Chaos.

People are chaos.

 

 

Please note that I have made my defense to those absurd claims

about my sexual orientation. XD

And err, I don't want to repeat them. LOL.

I hope someone will bring it back up if needed,

(if my explanation is deliberately is hidden or untold)

 

To speak clearly, I am not gay or bi-sexual.

 

On the 'dream' LOL, it's just me fighting against my mom, trying to buy time to

stay inside my self-imposed isolation, (which I haven't gotten outside for 9 consecutive years)

she wanted me to enter college and I didn't want to. All I wanted was to make money.

And, like a spoiled brat, I wanted her to keep supporting me while I research...

And to state how devastating my father's violence was on me, I am connecting that

to a sexual molestation in interpretation of a dream. I can't even remember exactly

what was said. I said it as a joke (my mom is very gullible) and to manipulate.

 

But to hold that against me people... And label me as something that I am not.

It really is extremely uncomfortable. XD

 

It's kind of like trying to be a 'cute fool' (trying to translate this from Korean) to my mom and also getting pissed off at the fact that she keeps comparing me to a girl. Saying I was pretty when I lose weight, etc.

But the goal was, to buy time by stating something else, a mental illness as I recall.

But I remember dismantling it as I thought it was a bit too cruel, exploiting her naivety....

 

Hard to remember now. For me, it was a prank, and a intellectual discussion, added

with frustration. I think I was told to go to college for about a thousand times.

In those 9 years. And at least several hundred were couple hours long in discussion,

trying to figure out why i'm not going outside from my mom's end.

And even if I were to tell her the truth, she was unreasonable. (Unfortunately I

had spoke about Ariko quite a bit, and that I want to be success then enter college,

with confidence) but for her, 'shame of obesity' and poverty was not an excuse.

And she was right. Just that I was spoiled and unequipped to handle society as it were.

So the excuses, just became worse and worse. And deviating, stronger and stronger.

 

So I would connect myself to movie imagery and just state things out of abandon as well.

Like the girl trapped inside a hole in the movie "silence of the lambs" which subsequently

reminded me of the abused character who put her in there. And in the movie, which says,

"he is not a real transgender, but because he was severely abused by his father, he believes

he is" something like this. So I was using that against my mom because she was quite relentless. Unyielding. (She wanted what was best for me, and I was in denial, that I could succeed by internet marketing)

 

People. Drop it. It's just a flair of thought, stupidity.

 

Please do not connect me to some kind of trans/gay/bi type of person.

Of which, I believe there is nothing wrong with.

Some of the people i've met who are in that LGBTQ spectrum has been,

very sensible and non-violent people.

Unfortunately,  I am not one of them.

I will not degrade myself by writing perverted things here in order to reveal my preference

to women. But that is where I go. And who I am.

 

If I must write my past, I will.

So it was told to me by the relays, the human vagina does not taste anything like the

magazine. Since the tender age of six, I have licked the photo of an Indian stone sculpture

which had a prominent crevice between her legs. On that page, the texture if I can recall,

was different.

Yes, logically I would know that, that is the magazine I am tasting.

But the brain, in its infinite hopes. Cannot differentiate what is real and what is not.

Or choose not to be.

So in my mind, it is still the taste of the magazine. Possibly diluted with my imagination

as something sweet.

Only to more recently hear that, it's like peach. If it was leaking battery acid.

And suffering from acid reflux and occasional ulcers,

I am alarmed but if given the chance one day, I would take it despite the risk.

Kindly do not see me as a gay person. Nothing wrong with this, just that, that is NOT what I want.