On who I am.

 

 

I do not consider myself as a dangerous person.

 

But to some. Some who are truly evil. I may yet be.

 

 

As many of you would be, as well.

 

 

 

 

The difference would be that,

 

I have spent even my childhood years, in hatred and anger.

 

 

 

It's only grown. It's only there as something that tortures me.

 

 

 

I am plagued by this. As in my life, I have met so many who imposed harm on me.

 

And my loved one.

 

 

 

But I am not a dangerous person.

 

 

 

 

In relationships, it has always been an 'luxury'. Something overwhelming.

 

Something that I never thought I deserve.

 

In my mind, I have always been the hunchback of notredame.

 

 

But even the hunchback wanted Esmeralda.

 

I am no exception.

 

 

 

And I am sorry for my male pursuers. XD. I have no interest in men.

 

 

Let me make this clear.

 

 

 

 

 

On my 'abilities', if i've any.

 

 

It isn't something that is all that remarkeable.

 

 

But I believe it can be considered clever, often.

 

 

And fundamentally sound, often.

 

 

But I can say that I was NOT able to express any better,

 

in-depth, research and creativity.

 

 

Something that would be far more sophisticated.

 

 

For me, this can only come at a peaceful state of mind.

 

 

But nobody allows this. Even people who are supposedly on my side.

 

 

And it is quite important as well.

 

 

As it would help many.

 

 

But despite having proven some flair...

 

 

I am not appreciated. Or supported.

 

 

Or even, simply refined of abuse.

 

 

It often is, encouraged.

 

 

 

 

 

I am having trouble controlling my emotions.

 

This has been increasingly getting worse.

 

It is as if my mind is often full of 'static'.

 

As if it were a television set on the wrong channel.

 

It is hard for me to think often.

 

Though it may not look that way.

 

 

 

Mr Musk must learn from this and stop pushing on this idea that,

 

your abuse changes me for the better.

 

It's always, always been for the worse.

 

I cannot focus, this is why I cannot write.

 

I am only on visualization mode, and coming up with ideas only through the relays.

 

Many of which Mr Musk has made. It is done spontaneously.

 

 

 

But in my calm state, if ready.

 

I can read. Think deeper. In clarity.

 

And to be able to write.

 

Nobody has allowed this,

 

nor do they appreciate what I am trying to do.

 

 

I hear these people saying "why did you 'create' this person'.

 

Again. There is no 'creation'. If you mean these misleads affected me in a better way.

 

 

It has only provided stress, lack of sleep, anxiety, distractions,

lack of focus, time spent, lack of in-depth thinking, or even a chance to just open a book

and having the courage to begin.

 

 

It is that bad.

 

 

So please do not say this as if it were some beneficial 'experiment'.

 

It was purely abuse for me.

 

 

 

I don't know where all this is going.

 

Why I am kept like this, and not respected of what I say. What I request.

 

 

 

Do you expect me to be productive, while there is no refinement of these abuses?

 

Emotional triggers?

 

 

Do you find this as a type of experiment, that despite my stating, it is having adverse effects on me,

 

you trust mr Musk to continue these 'pranks' without any penalty sent to him?

 

 

and others, people with true malice, continue as well?

 

 

 

You send no settlement, no compensations, no support.

 

 

 

You know my situation, and I am exposed to all sorts of abuse and dangers.

 

 

Even as I walk by in the streets, I believe someone yelled out "Good morning, bitch!"

 

 

As I look, I can't identify the person.

 

 

It is that environment, that allows people to engage in harassment, that people also believe they have freedom to abuse, without ANY repercussions in mind.

 

 

 

Why should I be mistreated like this?