and that was the single time i attempted outside.

some kind of 2 day seminar,

how did i end up spending 10k just on a flight

to get there, as that was the seat that was remaining

to get to that seminar i don't know.

i was deranged and made up this urgency in my mind.

mom was naive so she just bought into the idea.

 

that's the kind of completely unreasonable thing

that was happening. spoiled kid, deranged.

 

in my mind, being ruthless to succeed was the key.

and that 'edge lord' concept was led to that

'dream' insinuated to mom.

 

to go back into school however was out of the question.

that was prolonged duration. everyday.

 

and all of a sudden, i worked up the courage and insanity

to go out there in texas, to that seminar.

 

you can see how deranged i was. or self-important

i thought i was. pride, ego-driven.

 

not that i meant harm. i was just incredibly stupid,

and mad about wanting to succeed.