So how I feel about them:

 

 

Bitter. My love for them was genuine.

 

It is only after seeing their attitude towards me,

 

and Eileen telling me in Korea,

 

"Don't expect much from your cousins (extended family)."

 

 

and on telling what Wongi's dad said to me after she died,

 

Eileen replying:

 

(That she went to a shaman person, to see who they were, this is popular culture in Korea)

 

Eileen telling me, "Wongi's dad was seen as not a good person."

 

 

 

I made a mistake of slightly dissing Wongi's dad.

 

I didn't want to see his family suffer. Long ago before mom's death.

 

But. To be responded of callousness from that. Blaming on me.

 

 

Is he a bad person?

 

 

Perhaps not at the core.

 

But to me...

 

There was.

 

 

And I feel more than bitter towards them all.

 

But especially towards Eileen.

 

 

Who agreed on me commiting suicide, not as reverse psychology but her nihilism.

 

She had a good point. Probably.

 

 

That wasn't something I needed.

 

 

Nor did her actions to uncle just before then.

Nor her actions during the times I met back in Korea, always backstabbing me.

Nor her actions in the channel when she arrived there. All of them.

 

 

They are partly evil and they don't even know it.

 

Or they do, and they hide.

 

 

Either way, I am not being part of them, nor should you.

 

 

 

Don't buy into the 'better past' and bringing that up now.

 

When I reminisced on the better times.

 

I was met with callousness from Eileen.

 

 

All in reflection of not wanting me as a burden.

 

 

When I think about them. I am broken.

 

I am bitter.

 

 

This cannot change.