so way i approached my mom in communication in the later years was,

 

a lot of 'grit and hatred'.

 

 

i remember telling Roy on FB about my mom and I had a "love and hate"

 

relationship. To which Roy replied, "I don't hate my mom."

 

then I try contradicting myself again? XD

 

 

The reality was, although my mom was a victim herself to absolute

tyrannical violence...,

 

we as her children, HATED her lack of intellect and insensitivity.

 

No reasons were enough. To her, children are strong enough

to take the abuse WITHOUT expecting repercussions,

psychological or social, otherwise, which will last

throughout their lifetime. To mom, this fact could not be understood.

 

 

And to say things in abandon to get that fucking message acrossed

with her demented naivity. The idiot who didn't have a fucking clue

about the aftereffects of absolute violence. The more shocking,

the only way through her mind. Otherwise, it's just nothing for her.

I am to be blamed.

 

And I fought against this. Trying to show her what the effect of

abuse does to a person. But no, this bit there, that was trolling.

Not an actual thing.

 

I spoke out of hatred for her, for her insensitivity and immunity

to violence alone. That she can escape to her own reality,

but I never had a choice. I was petrified, fearing for my life

since I was fucking 3 year old!!!

 

and the bitch didn't care about any of that and BLAMED ME!

 

 

Don't get me wrong. I love my mom.

 

But because of her, because of my family,

 

 

I NEVER TOOK OFF. I was STUNTED IN GROWTH,

 

in every possible way. Just fighting these impossible people ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

 

 

I hope you can understand.