Oh yeah....

 

I remember mom kept calling me "pretty" and saying,

 

i have a pointy chin when I lose weight,

 

or when I get mad, "how do you get mad with those pretty lips"

 

or something like that.

 

and saying stuff like, to random people as we try and buy

clothing that fits,

 

telling them, i have small hands and feet -

 

(is size 10 shoes that small?)

 

 

 

 

which pissed me off even more.

 

 

 

no, she wasn't saying it as way of abuse,

 

 

in her mind, keeping me de-powered as this effeminate thing,

 

she finds a certain something, a kinship, i don't know what to call it.

 

 

and when i see this painting she drew,

 

on my face, and her head on top of it.

 

 

 

that's a literal symbolism for being over me from place of power.

 

 

looking back, there was quite a power struggle that went back and forth between me and mom,

 

 

and trying to win over each other in a conversation, or life's path/philosophies.

 

 

whereas she was correct in some aspects, she neglected others, in her own escape.

 

 

ok enough about this, my family is fucked up beyond belief i think.

 

 

 

hopefully no more distractions now.

 

 

whatever is going on, i hope everything is getting wrapped.

 

 

 

i should've been sent support by now, i should have been contacted.

 

 

there is no equal say, no equal observation.

 

in fact, i am on public displays and relentlessly abused at any given moment.

 

even being hacked from the bathroom.

 

 

why such a thing was allowed, despite my protests.

 

 

i have no idea.

 

 

 

 

i hope this insanity ends.