Sigh... I really don't want to antagonize David like this.

 

We are in the same household still, and he does have a temper.

 

So I try not to make this into a issue.

 

I didn't want to talk about it. At all. Everything.

 

 

 

But whereas I endure, and just go about things as they are.

 

I believe it was very wrong, and unfair --- in the fact that I helped him out when he was sick.

 

But my request to think about my well-being (my ear) by a simple care, was met with a blunt response.

 

As i've written before.

 

 

 

 

This type of very authoritative attitude is present with David.

 

Even as we point out the wrong in this, he probably won't stop.

 

It's about dominance and ego as I am observing.

 

 

 

But to be fair, as Adam relays, I have seen him being 'nice' as well.

 

Telling me in the beginning I can pick up food at the church,

 

and more recently, relaying the shipment box that was sent to me.

 

 

 

 

However, those are dismissed as routine when I see significant request regarding one's ailment is denied at his convenience,

 

and further, what is also wrong and 'creepy' is that,

 

there is duality.

 

 

One is absolutely authoritative, if not deceptive on this.  

 

Second is just plain nice.

 

 

I have mentioned in a list what I experienced.

 

But what I do not understand is also this:

 

 

 

Why is he there talking about me all the time?

 

We are strangers, we hardly ever speak to each other beyond this pleasantaries or unpleasantaries. Brief instances of recognition.

 

That is very wrong as well.

 

 

So I am reading he's commenting long before yesterday's accidental camera sticker drop.

 

Talking about my dick and all that, (he accidentally opened the bathroom door as I was urinating)

 

then I see these relays on youtube. (I apologize if I got this one wrong)

 

 

 

 

It seems he is extremely friendly on the channel, as if he's talking about a old buddy or something like this.

 

But offline reality is very different.

 

We do not know each other, and there are share of moments where I feel I am subjugated, bullied.

 

 

 

So that is way things are.

 

 

 

I feel that... David has fallen into this, unfortunate 'funnel' in which I became a focus of attention.

 

However, beyond our initial interaction and issue in conflict, which was immediately resolved when I moved in (about the table and the chicken) there was no need for him to be on pursuit like this.

 

 

I also feel that, because of my passive attitude, David sees me as a pushover.

 

And that this authoritative and blunt responses, "no yielding" to meet his own terms of convenience,

is coming from a strong place of ego.

 

 

And being there in the channel with a different personality, is also misleading, and if not for a different motive.

 

I have seen the relays that he was at a time, helping. This was soon after the emergency help I gave to him.

Perhaps that was genuine help. I do not know.

 

 

But seeing these give and take, and dualities i've experienced, I believe I suggested to Mr Musk, (trying to be passive, so not to get noticed by David) that no one,

of my acquaintance, unless i've mentioned prior, should be given an investment opportunity of some kind.

 

 

 

I felt rather invaded since the beginning and did not feel right that he was speaking out on behalf of me, while here, our acquaintance was often that of tension, and dispel of that tension.

 

If my observations were correct, this dual-side to David is on whether,

 

my existence or my connection is a benefit to him, or not. As i've experienced with the initial chicken pick up relay following the table rejection 'incident'.

 

 

Which is, if true, very selfish reasoning and immature.

 

 

So that is it.

 

 

 

I am being honest about how I feel and experienced,

 

and I do believe that there are some deceptions, blaming, or misleads at play of my previous defense (or observation) from David.

 

 

 

But this does not mean that we are at war with each other. These aren't serious issues.

 

 

 

 

However, what I do fear is his value system. And that may result in his uncontrollable emotions and reactions, passive aggression. So I had feared mentioning all these things until now.

 

 

 

I do believe that his ego is out of control at times.

 

 

For instance, no idea why he was banging that fridge door yesterday knowing my illness, as I was in the kitchen cooking.

 

Perhaps to initiate a conflict? To insinuate my wrong on the ice cream carton? I don't know. But that kind of expression was also very wrong.

 

 

 

 

My philosophies are different. I am not a Buddhist in a sense that I believe in any religion. But I do respect some of the philosophies they teach.

 

And that is 'detachment'.

 

 

By emotions, or otherwise. It only causes suffering to everyone, if otherwise.

 

 

 

 

 

It's an unfortunate scenario.

 

If one was accustomed to this sort of value system and behavior David holds,

 

it is not easy to fix this. And I fear I can easily become a target if he so chooses to do so. Without means of defending myself.

 

 

 

I am not saying he's going to suddenly attack me but, passive aggression and tortuous insinuation is possible.

 

And that is tiring. It is emotionally draining as well.

 

 

 

And all I wanted was to be left alone since the very beginning. No issues, no connections.

 

But it is people, not only David, but everyone, who feels somewhat entitled to invade into my rights.

 

 

 

It is best that I move out as soon as possible, but I have no means to do this.

 

I want to leave him be, and I want to be alone as well.

 

 

 

 

I have done my share of the work, and basic protection in terms of privacy and sustenance, I can be given.

 

But to keep me from this, is some sort of forced corruption that is happening from the States. And we have no choice but to abide by their terms under somekind of silent threat perhaps.

 

That is what i'm sensing here.