Douglas stronger than me physically?

 

Who knows, maybe.

 

Didn't seem like it though in the pushing contest in the room.

 

It took him more force to take me down once,

than I took force to take him down many times.

 

I didn't push him that hard nor in distance. Just used my

wrists *and elbows a bit in close proximity. xD

 

So I won most of the time, but maybe he held back who knows.

 

But that is not the point.

 

We are not body-buliders, I don't care who is stronger.

 

People walking by the streets everyday can be stronger than us.

 

 

Point is this:

 

 

That he was indeed violent,

insinuated violence,

and had violent intent.

 

Further, along with people surrounding.

Attacking someone indirectly.

And for many deception.

 

That is where the wrong is.

 

 

No, sorry. If it was a spontaneous thing, I would forgive.

 

But as you can see from the letter, it BUILT up to this.

He gave me such a hard time showing these defiant, unnecessary,

and unreasonable challenges, and to be threatened or harassed by

his friends, and he himself terrorizing passively to intimidate.

Only to lead, ultimately, to violence.

 

I believe I spoke to the part native-canadian(?) staff,

when the angry prayer was going on.

The guy from Uganda and I were talking outside of whats happened/happening.

I believe I told the staff it's not a normal prayer, that it was angry,

and he said something along the lines of "keeping himself from harming others".

Something like this.

 

He called on Jesus, Allah, Buddha, xD It was a angry ranting. Not a prayer.

Then he suddenly shuts off his emotions after many hours terrorizing the room.

And goes out at his friend's call by the room's door, as if nothing happened.

(Or rather, intimidation 'delivered'. A passive aggression)

 

This *may have been the day he entered the channel/discovered it.

As one of the lines in his prayer was: "all those riches."

as I recall.

 

He is. Volatile, unstable. If you will check the dialogue with his friends,

that slander must have been insinuating violence as well.

 

Any attempt for better/peaceful resolution by talk, and agreement.

Ignored with agitation, and visible anger.

 

Leaving me no choice to talk to his friends at the space where the TV is.

 

To this, flushed, agitated, and angry, "Let's go" (go outside to fight)

was his answer.

 

Look into my writings on him. He was more than a handful.

It was a serious headache to keep up with him.

 

 

and whereas Kareena is coming from I think, place of lighter 'heart'. (Not taking this too seriously)

the day I fought him, she should not have been conversing with him in THAT friendly manner,

when moving him to the next room. As if old buddies. xD I was right beside.

 

In that instance..... I believe as staff, she should have been neutral. To not provoke emotions

on either side. So I believe her reaction in that instance was irrational or terribly single-sided

to her belief.

 

-------

 

That isn't something I can forgive, as it stayed/stays within his character.

He showed multiple faces to people, and in unreasonable ways.

 

Manipulating the environment, and making me look like the abuser.

When I get mad, I yell, then I apologize if I seem over the line.

That is as far as it goes 99% of the time.

 

Somehow much of it was misled and people began harassing me.

It appears that he cared far more for his own image, than my well-being.

 

And ultimately, he has proven that fact.

 

And the attitude he has still.

 

There was a attitude of 'gloating'. There was unwavering pride in this.

There is a competitive factor. There is a comparison.

 

And that is where the evil is. Attachment.

I'm not religious, but I respect many philosophies from it.

Buddhism, they practice de-tachment.

 

I tried ignoring and avoiding Douglas when his behavior seemed erratic.

 

He pushed on a 'friendship', but there are these demons in him.

Comparison, fear of losing, being weaker than someone else perhaps.

 

Something that was self-depreciating. And he appear to be

trying to prove himself against it.

 

This is what I noticed in the beginning, be it my assumption.

Later I think it was proven when he was drunk and saying,

"me, i'm a pussy." to Joshua. (I remember Joshua

saying that he was sizing him up, as Douglas pushed on with

erratic behavior)

 

And murmuring to himself, that i'm stronger, smarter. (At some point)

 

I never wanted to be part of that. Never the comparison. Why was I a target?

 

 

The matter of fact: he pushed himself hard. Whichever the reasons were,

beyond what I mention.

 

And in deceptive, manacing, violent ways.

 

If I thought he was a good person, I wouldn't push his punishment either.

 

 

No, he has some serious demons in him, and he has clearly expressed this

in many different ways. And somehow I got cornered into it.

 

And that maybe a keyword there. "Cornered".

As in, I didn't want to be part of it, but had to be.